So, you have become a mother. The enthusiasm of relatives has died down, the flowers with which the happy dad met you from the hospital have long wilted.
Harsh weekdays began, filled to the last minute with children’s crying, washing, ironing, cleaning and cooking.
You are spinning all day long, like a squirrel in a wheel, and still do not have time for anything. You feel bad, everything falls out of your hands, no one understands you, and your patience is already at the limit. What’s happening? Sounds like you have postpartum depression.
Symptoms of depression
Your eyes are constantly in a wet place – you cry with or without reason.
The crying of a child causes you to have a fit of rage. You are ready to do anything to make this little tyrant finally shut up.
You have a strong feeling that all relatives are watching your every step, and are just waiting for you to do something wrong – then they will rightfully teach you about life.
You feel completely helpless in the face of circumstances. You have nowhere to hide, no one can help you, protect you and take on the burden of maternal worries. Terrible for myself and even more terrible for the child. At the same time, you do not experience any joy in caring for the baby, although you regularly follow all the doctor’s instructions. Yes, you gave birth to this baby, but he is still a stranger to you.
You are afraid to break loose every minute, so you try to take care of yourself as strictly as possible. But inside you, as if some kind of spring is being compressed, stronger and stronger.
Sex makes you feel deeply disgusted.
I don’t even want to look at the mirror again. Throughout your pregnancy, you so dreamed that after giving birth you would again become slim and light, but the reality turned out to be too harsh for you. The tightest jeans are still on the far shelf, and you have to be content with wide hoodies, like in the sixth month. Your own appearance annoys you.
Postpartum depression does not necessarily include all of the symptoms described, but if you have at least four of them, it is something to seriously consider.
Why fight depression?
Firstly, not only you suffer from it, but also the child. After all, he, despite the fact that he is very small, also feels that he is a stranger to you. This means that you do not have emotional contact – so important at this tender age. It has been established that postpartum depression of the mother negatively affects the child, especially on the formation of a sense of security, internal mechanisms of self-defense, concentration, and speech development.
Secondly, if there is no outside help and your own internal reserves to fight depression, then it will not “resolve” by itself. On the contrary, your condition will only get worse every day. Remember the stories of mothers and grandmothers about how they remember the first year of their child (especially the first-born) as a nightmare? A nightmare can last from a few days to several years. And the longer it lasts, the more it affects all aspects of family life.
Relatives
Many nations had a very useful custom – after childbirth, the closest relatives came to the woman in labor for at least a month and took over all the housework, freeing the newly-made mother from it. Alas, this wonderful tradition is a thing of the past. But no one bothers you to ask your mother, sister or mother-in-law for help. Moreover, it is better to find an au pair in advance, and not at the moment when you are already at the limit.
Tell me what’s happening to you. It only seems to you that everything is clear, and there is nothing to explain here. From the outside, everything looks different. Relatives are advised to refrain from phrases like: “I could pull myself together and not become limp” or “In relation to me, she behaves at least unfairly,” etc. The young mother most of all now needs your comfort, love and real help with the housework.
Agree with your husband that once a week you arrange a “mom’s day off.” Think in advance how you want to spend it – in a beauty salon, visiting your beloved friend, in the pool, sauna or in a cafe. The main thing is to get out of the house, out of the familiar environment.
Talk to your husband about your reluctance to have sex. Just try to do it tactfully. Doctors do not recommend making love within 4-6 weeks after giving birth – for purely physiological reasons. But then keep in mind – sex often helps to get out of depression.
I myself?
If you do not have a single free minute for yourself, your beloved, think about whether your life is rationally arranged.
Good, high-quality semi-finished products from a trusted store or restaurant can come to the rescue. Yes, this is not the cheapest food, but now it is more important for you to spend some time on yourself than on cooking delicacies and pickles.
Try to sleep as much as possible – preferably with your baby. Another option is to put the baby to sleep on the balcony during the day. If you are afraid that you will fall asleep and not hear his call, a baby monitor will come in handy – a device that allows you to hear every squeak from a distance.
Don’t turn into a “stupid”. Try to read at least something other than a cookbook and a TV guide for the week. By the way, a great option is to read while breastfeeding. Lie down on your side, move the baby closer to you, put a book behind him. But first, nevertheless, “talk” with the child – after all, he was waiting for this happy moment so much. Look into his eyes, pet him, tell him how good he is. And when he dozes off, you can read.
Finally, remember your hobby (or start it – now is the time). The main thing is not to let the brains “turn sour” in diapers and cereals.
Instead of antidepressants, you can take vitamin C and calcium – a young mother experiences a particularly strong need for these substances.
Choose someone to play the role of a psychotherapist, to whom you can cry about your difficult life. Some husbands do an excellent job with this role, but others themselves are able to become depressed when they learn about the problems of a freshly born woman. Mom is also not very suitable for this role – she is too impressionable. But a sister or girlfriend is best.
A great way to relax is music and dancing. It is possible with a baby in your arms. Rhythmic movements and vibration of the voice (if you sing along) relax the mother and soothe the baby. By the way, it would be nice to learn the simplest auto-training for relaxation during pregnancy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy. Almost everyone benefits from being in contact with nature, so a walk in the nearest park can put you in a good mood and improve your complexion at the same time.
Many of the recommendations seem banal and well-known to you. But here the main thing is not theory, but practice. Start doing at least something for yourself, even if for now through force. And the results will not be slow to affect – and on you, and on the child, and on your entire family.